I feel like I am getting pulled into a dark triad hole with no hope of emerging. My thoughts are deranged. I often think about hurting others not for the pleasure of it – but for the pure act of alpha male dominance. I am a predator. My biological genes have passed down from my mother’s mother, to me. The untainted act of destruction is calling my name. There is no hope.
Sometimes I envy the simple minded – the ones who go through life in ignorant bliss. They don’t know what darkness is. They have never acted on biological instincts. The only reason why they are still living is due to the suppressed corner society has put Darwinism. The strong are the ones who die. The weak are pushed to survive.
Sometimes I think if I should do the “evil” things that I do. I dig deep into why I act upon the sadist nature my mind wanders. If I could feel remorse I would rationalize my actions behind nihilism. Thus, a man should do anything they please due to the simple fact that nothing matters. Punishment doesn’t matter. This is absurdism at its finest.
If there is a hell I will burn. However, the mind is its own place, and can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven. Maybe I have been reading too much John Milton. Fuck it.